Saturday, June 13, 2009

Sleepless in Muskogee

Got home Friday and went to get that new grilled chicken from K.F.C. It was good. Had to take a nap. As a result I can't sleep. So I see Sleepless in Seattle is on-must be a sign. I'm watching the last part where Meg Ryan goes to the Empire State building and all the security guards are helpful, kind and understanding. When I went to New York and visited the Empire State building the security guards were not helpful , kind or understanding. They all sounded and looked like Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter. They said things like, "Hey Midwest, what are you looking at, I owe you money?-move it along." in their thick new york accents. I remember being shuffled into a huge room that was filled w/ turnstiles and waiting in line w/ other tourists. Get through that room and you went to the ticket counter to pay to see New York from the tallest building in town. I payed for the observation deck and my wife payed the extra 12 buck to go a couple more floors to the upper observation deck. Stand in line, go through more turn stalls w/ Epstein yelling obscenities the whole time. Get in line to get on the elevator that takes us to the second elevators. Before we get off, a security guard (some bitch w/ a radio and badge gets on the elevator) and takes us back down to the bottom floor, which is a huge inconvenience since its not a couple floors , its like 60 floors! She acts like she didn't know we were headed up only after its obvious we were headed down and she has made a tiny mistake by accidentally pushing the wrong button.Note to bitch-If you don't know which way an elevator is going, ask so you don't piss off a group of people who are not in a good mood anyway. Drop her off. Go back up and get on the other elevator that will take us to the top. But it doesn't take us to the top. It takes you to 10 floors from the top. Get off that elevator and wait for the other elevator or go to the stairs-I opt for the stairs. Up 10 floors to another room with turnstiles which I have to go through and have to get my picture taken (I don't mean I have to, I mean I have to or I will lose my place in line)in front of a picture of the New York skyline as seen from the top of the Empire State building (could have done this at home). Go through more turnstiles , they try to sell me my picture they just made me takefor an outrageous amount of money.No. More turnstiles and finally to the observation deck. Mass of people 3 deep along the edges of the building to see New York. At this point I wonder if all that weight of the people will make the building top heavy? Look around for planes heading in our direction. All clear. Use my newly acquired New York attitude skills to push my way to the front so I can get a better picture. North, East, South and West. Done. The descent was just as bad and I will use a parachute next time. Any way-If you go to the Empire State building and expect you will find kind, elderly security guards who are helpful and have good manners like in the movie Sleepless in Seattle-you won't. I think I will go to the space needle in Seattle next, does anyone know if they have turnstiles?

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